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These Things Happen!
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» Cum What May
In past three years, I’ve discovered that I’m leaning toward a submissive role in bed. I long to take a fist. I also want a Daddy to train me to be submissive. My husband of 14 years is very non-sexual and vanilla. He understands my needs to explore and is okay with it as long as it’s safe. Where can I start? Little Brother: You’ve made a good start by getting on this website and finding your fellows in our online community. We learn more from our peers, I think, than from anywhere else. The best course of action is always to be as informed and as honest as possible. Don’t be afraid to network with other bottoms that might be able to steer you towards the right Tops in your community. There is often a strong sense of brotherhood among kinky bottoms and they are the ones you should seek as mentors and friends to help you along your way. It sounds like you and your husband are no longer sexual, but still very intimate; this, I’ve learned, is not uncommon with gay men. These relationships often succeed when both parties find the balance between emotional intimacy within the marriage and their sexual outlets outside their domestic arrangements. All well and good. Now, if you just want to be fisted, and that is all you mean by submission, you have many channels open to you via sex clubs and social networking. Yes, the bottoms far out number the Tops, but fisting is not something that requires the same commitment of time and energy that being a Sir’s boy does. If do want to be a Sir’s boy, you need to understand that the sexual relationship you’re looking for is intensely intimate. To train a submissive takes a lot of time and effort for the Sir, and requires a lot of trust from both parties. In return for training a boy, a Daddy may want more from a boy’s heart than you are prepared to give him. Ideally, you might find a Daddy in a similar position, a Sir whose marriage is also non-sexual and who will think you’re the ideal boy for him. Or you might find a Daddy with a stable of boys of which you could be a member. Since there are four or five boys vying for the attention of every Top, and you plan on staying with your husband, this may be the kind of ongoing BDSM relationship with which you will have to be content. There is also the very real danger that your exploration could harm your marriage – especially if your heart follows your dick and your fuckhole. As you gain more experience and become more comfortable with submission, you could decide that you want to be owned full time. You and your Sir might fall in love with each other; or you may not even be able to help falling in love with your new Owner. These things happen and you will need to walk a very careful line to avoid hurting your husband, your Daddy or yourself. I say this because, in my experience, submission usually requires some kind of (for want of a better phrase) heart connection to be successful; you will need to monitor the depth and intensity of that connection with any Sir you find yourself serving. Transparency is, as always, the key to any successful BDSM relationship. Good luck, be safe, and have fun. |
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